June 4, 2007: “You are the luckiest members of the Colbert Nation tonight!”

“You are the luckiest members of the Colbert Nation tonight!” said Mark the Stage Manager, warming us up for Stephen’s entrance this Monday after a weeklong break and one exciting weekend in the Colbertophilosphere, with Stephen speaking (and answering my question from the audience, YES!) at Book Expo America in NYC.This was an interesting show in that so many things were different: two guests, no Word, the interview in the middle of the show instead of the end (although I see from the Episode Guide at NoFactZone that apparently in the editing room, the interview was reordered to its standard place), a faux-BKAD.

On the set there was an aura of sort of serious concentration to get all this right, which meant less lighthearted bits for us – not a lot of karaoke Stephen during the breaks, only two audience questions, no exuberant run/high-fiving at the beginning, no desk-touching during warmup comic Pete’s time. It was more the atmosphere of “Professionals at Work Here.” There was a lot of serious conferring at the desk between acts, and not a lot of joking around once taping began. Even with the efficiency, taping took till 7:40 p.m. – I think that’s later than usual, though I could be wrong. __________________

Arrived at 2:25pm and ended up getting ticket #7; ticket #1 gal got here at 1:55pm. Regaled the early arrivers with BEA stories. Very chatty and friendly group of audience members this time. I was between a mother-and-son from Florida who had flown in especially for the taping (a graduation present, I believe), and an engaged couple from Denver, in town for a college reunion. My friends A., M., and J. joined me a bit later. M. and J. were “Colbert taping virgins” – first taping ever! A. and I were on our second.

We got seats in the front row, although I’m not sure I’d do that again. I want to be called on in the Q&A and I want to *see* the show, not have to peer around cameras. So I may actually aim for the third or fourth row in the future. In my experience twice now, Stephen doesn’t seem to look at the first row when choosing questioners. Maybe he thinks we’re blessed enough to be so close to Him.

While everyone got seated, I looked for the item on the shelves that Stephen had told an audience member was his favorite thing on the set [now that was a great question] – a small triangular white flag from the “August 28, 1963 / Freedom March on Washington,” at which Dr. Martin Luther King gave his “I Have a Dream” speech. It belongs to Stephen’s mom, who attended the march when she was pregnant with him. It’s on the far left, near the microwave, looking a little out of place amid all the wacky shit, but still very cool.

J, who works in film, pointed out the pieces of tape on the floor of the stage; the one in front of us has “Bobby” written on it, and it’s in the spot where Bobby stands when he talks with Stephen-at-the-desk. There were a bunch of other taped pieces at other places on the floor, but I couldn’t see what they said.

Pete Dominick, the warmup comic, was great tonight. At the taping I attended in November, he seemed to be filling time a bit, seeking out audience member after audience member to razz. Tonight he had lots to say – an extended riff on his bald head and the sunburn he’d gotten on it this weekend; a paean to TCR, the smartest show on television, and Stephen, the most brilliant comedian; and telling us this would be a very special show because they’d be shaking things up tonight — Stephen was always doing something to top himself, and we were going to see something new, and it would happen in the third act. Oh boy!

He also explained that we’d be seeing “what’s called the toss,” and without hesitation the audience burst into applause (that made me really happy: it-getters!). Pete said something like “Oh, you know what that is, great!”

They were still figuring out the order things would go in, while Pete was doing his routine. I think Pete initially told us the toss would come first, and then Stephen might not do any questions and go right into the show, or he might do some questions – basically, telling us to be prepared for anything. Later, Pete introduced Mark the Stage Manager and Mark said now they were thinking they might mix up the order, do the first act and then the toss. “Basically, we’re playing this one by ear.”

It’s cool that even though they were obviously juggling a lot behind the scenes, the taping itself went off seamlessly, with no major screwups and only a single slip of the tongue by Stephen requiring a retake. Again: admiration. These folks are such pros.

Pete told us that our cue to start cheering is when the eagle swoops in – “Can I see some talons?” We all made talon gestures, which is a pretty hilarious thing to do in itself. All throughout, everyone encouraged us to cheer extra loud – “Make Stephen make you tone it down,” Pete said.

Back to Pete’s routine, he said one item on the shelf epitomizes why he’s so proud to be working on the Report, could any of us guess? I raised my hand perhaps too fast (maybe he wanted to hear some wrong answers first, to play with, but I didn’t see any other hands). “The O’Reilly microwave?” Yes! I thought I might get to touch the desk, but he didn’t offer. I wonder if I looked too mature to want to touch the desk? I’m not!! (Actually, I’m sure it was the time constraints again — they didn’t want to take time to Windex the desk or whatever after someone smeared their prints on it.)

Getting closer to Stephen time. In some ways this is my favorite part of the taping. The wonderful anticipation and gladness to be there, truly “the luckiest members of the Colbert Nation tonight.” Pete asked, “Is there anyone here who has never seen the show?” One guy raised his hand, Pete asked why, and he said “I don’t watch much television.” Pete said, probably with a “kidding!” smile to the guy cause no one’s really mean inside the walls of the Report, “Don’t you just hate that? People like this make you feel like you should be reading more books or something.”

Time for Stephen. When he entered, he strode straight to the desk and we stood and cheered for a long time. We sounded *great* — exuberant and loud but not insane. He smiled and eventually motioned for us to sit down. He addressed us from the desk, very professionally, and explained that we’d be seeing the toss. Right away Jon came on the screen and they launched into what seemed to me to be the real thing, it was so fantastic. This is my *rough* approximation:

Jon: So, Stephen, you killed at the Book Fair, Conference, thing (he never got its name right) this weekend.
Stephen: Yes, Jon, those people love me. They call me effete, bookish – I know it’s code.
Jon says something about Stephen being Gatsbyesque, while Stephen sort of lifts up his tie and preens it, then takes off his glasses and pretends to clean them (maybe with his tie?), in an exaggeratedly effeminate manner.
Jon: You rocked, Stephen, you kicked Hosseini’s butt and wiped the floor with Burns [some sort of absurd talking about his fellow panelists as if it was a prize fight, which of course it wasn’t] . . .

I was ecstatic because I thought this was a sort of rehearsal for the real toss. But when it actually began, they did something totally different. Which quite frankly I can’t even remember right now because I loved the other one so much. (And in a conspiracy to keep me in the dark, Comedy Central has not put this toss up on the site.)

After they did the toss, Stephen said to the staff something like “I’m sorry, but I need the [can’t remember term] – I smeared my glasses when I did that [thing with his tie].”

One of his assistants came out and tried to clean his glasses. “Thanks, Antonia. This is Antonia, everyone. [she smiles at us, we clap] She makes me look good. She gets me suits that make me look like I have a physique.” She couldn’t seem to fix it though. (Several audience members shouted out, “Want some eyeglass cleaner?”) He said something like “Shit! Did I break them?” which made us all laugh.

Eventually he put them back on and seemed OK with them, then invited us to ask questions “to humanize me bla bla bla.” He took the questions while still seated at the desk, so no high-fiving/exuberant run for us – this show’s rhythm was completely different and unpredictable.

I sensed that Q&A would be kind of peremptory, like they had a lot to do that night but it was also a priority to squeeze in a short bit of this. Sure enough, he took just one question from each side of the room. My friend J and I shot our hands up, but no luck – he wasn’t even looking at us but called on some guy several rows up. Oh well!

First Act

I’d thought the featured word in the opening segment would change since it’s the first show after a break, but it was still “flagaphile.”

I’d never seen an “at the desk” interview before, so this was cool. As you probably know, it’s usually a surprise – the guest just seems to pop up there. As Stephen was introducing the segment with Rep. Jan(e), we saw her waiting just offstage next to a TCR staffer holding a chair, ready to move it and her into position on the stage at the right moment.

That was a nice public service of the show to help raise awareness of this issue. But the funniest part for me was Stephen’s clinging to his character’s mispronunciation of the Rep’s name, throughout the whole show. I love that, presented with someone named “Jan Schakowsky,” Stephen messes up on the three-letter part. Kinda like the TDS segment where he enunciates all sorts of long Middle Eastern names and then mangles “urn.” (Ah, those were the days.)

Oh, and of course, eating the pork rinds & marshmallow fluff. I knew he would!

Second Act

Interview – From the left side of the left half of the seats, where we were, the interview with Bard College president Leon Botstein seemed to be taking place in a galaxy far, far away, and my view was two-thirds blocked by a big camera. I’ll have to re-watch it on the Comedy Central website to appreciate it. I recall that bit about Botstein’s appearance at the beginning. Oh yes, the audience went wild at the idea that high school should be eliminated since it’s a total waste of time. And a funny end where Stephen converted his speechlessness into a handshake.

After they went to a commercial, Stephen said to us, “Leon Botstein, everybody!” and had us applaud him as he left the stage.

[EDIT: I just watched the clip on Comedy Central, and the show must have run long because they totally edited that interview down! The high school part is gone -- too bad! And when Stephen brought up Scooter Libby, Botstein had actually responded for a good bit, they had an exchange, and Botstein ended up making a point that Stephen had no response for. After an overlong pause, Stephen then stuck out his hand and said his "Thank you for coming on the show!" and we all laughed.]

Entr’Acte

Stephen strode offstage between the second and third acts. “That’s not a good sign, is it?” A. said. “Stephen leaving?!” But in fact they must have been reviewing the tape from Jan(e)’s interview in Act 1, and editing it together with Stephen’s pre-taped absurd questions, to create the faux-BKAD that they showed us in Act 3, only a few minutes later. Wow! Amazing.

When Stephen came back in a few minutes, he seemed more relaxed and we saw a bit of goofball Stephen. “Holland 1945” was playing and he sang along. He also pointed at some group above me and they squealed and he acted surprised at their reaction. Cute (though, OK, I wish he’d pointed at me!). He didn’t seem to see me at all, seemed to look past the first few rows. Ah well. I had my moment, I cannot possibly complain).

Third Act

He had only one tongue malfunction, at the beginning of the third act (maybe it was a very recent rewrite?). They had us applaud again and took it from the beginning. When they showed the photo of 21-year-old bearded Stephen in a Northwestern U production of Pelleas and Mellisande, I instantly thought “Not everyone’s going to know who that is,” so I laughed and clapped extra hard. But it actually got a bigger reaction from the audience than I expected.

When he said “Better Know a District,” I thought the “new thing” was that she’d come out again and they’d do a live BKAD at the desk, but the faux-BKAD and his calling her “Jane” pronouncedly was hilarious. “CongressmanLady” LOL.

Closer

We applauded forever while Stephen toyed with us from behind his mask, and they showed a number of shots of the audience on the monitor. I kinda need to see the aired show to see how they put that together. From NFZ’s Episode Guide, it sounds like maybe they just aired the mask part and not shots of us? Oh well!

At the end he thanked us graciously for being a great audience, “and I hope you come again,” then left the stage.

I thought, I just cannot imagine a better entertainment than this show. If it were allowed and I lived here, I’d be here every single night. Except I might collapse. They pack so much substance into that half hour. And so much intensity. I can’t imagine being part of it day after day. It’d be like living on adrenaline and never coming down.
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We had dinner at a wonderful nearby restaurant called Bluechili. While I finished my dinner after everyone else was done, J read to us from the blad (20-page preview of Stephen’s book that was given out at BEA), which he was laughing at even while he was reading it. To me, it was even funnier read aloud, which caused me to decide the best way to appreciate this book when it comes out will be to listen to the audiobook, which will be read by Stephen, while reading along in the print book, so you can see all the tables and charts and footnotes and other funny stuff.

We went to find the nearest ice cream locale I could recall, Ben & Jerry’s Rockefeller Plaza, in search of AmeriCone Dream (J hadn’t had it), but they close at 7 p.m. Oh well! That’s it, it’s 3:30 a.m. in NYC, I’m exhausted, good night!