Stephen on ‘Fresh Air with Terry Gross,’ 10/9/07

[Note: This was done fast and shouldn’t be regarded as an official transcript! It's definitely not up to my usual high standards -- many of the things in quotes are probably in fact at least slight paraphrases (I was typing in real time and didn't rewind to hear it again to get it exactly). Also, I tried to focus on new topics that I hadn't heard covered elsewhere. Terry asked fantastic questions, including some I’ve been wondering about for a long time. Brava!!!!!]
____________

[Terry has Stephen read from the Homosexuals chapter. Hilarious.]

Terry opens by referring back to Stephen’s comment in her last interview with him (12/7/05), in the show’s first months, when he said the show was at an unsustainable level of output, with everything focused on him, and noted that his head writer had stayed till 4am the night before. She noted that two years later, the show is still at that level and asks how in the world he managed to do a book and audiobook as well: “Do you know what your children look like anymore?” He made a few (sort of) tongue-in-cheek, slightly weary-sounding remarks about bleeding from every body part and having a sketch artist in to sketch his kids, but he admitted they were still working “very hard” to put on the show. He talks about how they wrote the book — on nights and weekends, and how Jon Stewart was always asking if he was OK. He says he got addicted to the adrenalin of working 24 hours a day and the hardest part has been adjusting to not doing that.

Terry plays clip of Stephen’s challenge that if the liberal Paul Krugman’s book outsells his, he’ll stop doing the show, then notes that Bill O’Reilly did the same thing with Hillary Clinton a few years ago: When O’Reilly’s book came out at the same time as Hillary’s, he said if Hillary’s book outsold his, he would stop doing his show. Stephen laughs and says he didn’t know that and is thrilled that he had somehow managed to channel O’Reilly anyway. He says the words “No Fact Zone.”

They discuss how they developed the Stephen character at first, then how it has evolved over time with things like the Green Screen Challenge or the bridge naming or the Metaphor-Off – which has nothing to do with politics or and isn’t something O’Reilly would do.

She asks if he thinks he has a role in the current debate over war with Iran. Stephen says no emphatically. “People who make decisions don’t pay attention to what knowledgeable people say. Why would they pay attention to us? … I don’t want to be part of the debate.”

They discuss BKAD and members’ reluctance to appear on it, Nancy Pelosi and Rahm Emanuel’s edicts against it, etc. Stephen is a little disingenuous in my view in saying that Wexler just announced that he likes prostitutes and cocaine, as if it wasn’t Stephen’s repeated pleading and charm/charisma that seduced him into finally agreeing to say it.

Breaking the wrist
–”I love the way you incorporate bad things that happen to you, into the show, like breaking your wrist.”
–They found that there were tons of movies that glorify wrist violence — after they had had Stephen decry wrist violence.
–It was the day before the book was due and he was “soooo tired.” Had stayed up all night proofreading the book.
–When he fell, he was in “a tremendous amount of pain” he thought he might have shattered his hip due to calcium depletion .
–Stephen: “I lay down on four people in the audience. They were so sweet–they pet me while I lay there and moaned.”
–He was in pain all throughout that night’s show [he gives the wrong date, June 27, again--he doesn't even know!] and had an ice pack on.
–He didn’t go to the doc immediately but tried to tough it out. It just kept getting more swollen. Finally went to the doc & found out it was broken.
–Terry asks when he realized this could be content for the show. “In the parking lot leaving the doctor,” says Stephen. He says it’s harder to find fodder for the show in the summer because Congress is on vacation etc., and the main news story was the Iraq war, which was tragic; so they were thrilled at the wrist development.
–He was prescribed a pain pill called “flurbyprofen” by his doctor.

O’Reilly interview on the Report
–Re Stephen’s “sexual predator” remark – that was so brave to do that, taking satire to someone’s face; was that hard?” “The entire interview was hard … expecting him to come on with his persona from the show, but he dropped it completely. I didn’t want to attack a human being but have a tennis match with his persona.” They cut a lot out of the interview because it wasn’t usable. “

Losing the Emmys
–“My real enemy is the Great American Songbook.”
–They play the clip of Stephen singing with Tony Bennett on the show. Stephen says: “What would you rather have – a golden statue or to sing with Tony Bennett? I think I won.”
–Tony chose the song; Stephen didn’t know the lyrics ahead of time.

WH Correspondents Dinner
–“You really took the gloves on.” “I think I put the gloves on, the comedy gloves.” Satirists’ job is not to get angry about the things they’re talking about, but to distill it into comedy. Stephen talks for a bit about this concept.
–Plays his “photo op” joke from the speech: Terry: “Did you have a sense of what it would feel like to say this stuff w/Bushies right there? Was it hard to do it?”
Stephen: “Saying the words was pretty easy because I really liked all the jokes….had no fear because he liked the jokes. … I do have to keep driving forward in moments of silence,” though he heard plenty of people laughing at the time.
–Terry talks about how he nailed the press. Plays “the one about the intrepid reporter…fiction” comment. “Do you think press expected you’d be criticizing them? What was the reaction in the room?” Stephen says he couldn’t say, “It all felt very much of a piece.”
–Terry: “Do you think Bush was briefed about the Colbert persona?” Stephen guesses so.
–Difference between doing it in the show, where people know what Stephen does, and in an audience that expects standup comedy as opposed to a performance piece. “Not their fault if they didn’t care for it.” He does think they were a little surprised.

Discussion of his childhood, trauma, college theater.

Catholicism
–Terry: “What do you tell your kids God is?” Stephen: “‘God is love’ is pretty good.” Terry: “But then there’s the plagues and stuff…” Stephen says his son asked what hell is. He said, “Hell is the absence of God’s love,” and goes on to explicate further. Very nice glimpse into how real-Stephen talks about religion.

Naming things after Stephen
–What’s that like for you, and do you get free ice cream, free rides on Air Colbert? “I get some stuff like that, yeah. I got a lot of B&J’s coupons at home.” He talks about how it’s really cool to send your kid to the supermarket freezer case to get ice cream with their dad on it!!!!!

Future???
–I really like what I’m doing, it asks everything of me. “It’s hard to imagine anything that I would enjoy more.”
–One line Kissinger refused to say: “Where are my pancakes? I was promised pancakes.” Stephen: “I did a full-court press with the cameras on.”

Terry: “I just want to say, I love it when you insult NPR!”
Stephen describes something in the book on NPR that is hilarious. And that is the end!

Affordable New York City lodgings

Budget hotels fill early. It’s best to make reservations as soon as possible, and at least three months in advance. CAUTION: Rates are approximate, and most do not include the 13.65% hotel tax. Check prices with hotels. To my knowledge, all of these lodgings meet basic standards for cleanliness and safety. You might want to check out reviews on TripAdvisor or a similar site (just enter the name of the hotel, and maybe “New York,” into the Search box). Midtown/Hell’s Kitchen Big Apple Hostel, 119 W. 45th, 212/302-2603 – $39 to share room with three others, $99+ for private room with cable TV, queen-size bed, and a safe. All baths are shared. Air-conditioning; shared kitchen. Can be noisy from street and courtyard, but safe, clean, and well run, and two blocks from Broadway theaters. West Side YMCA, 5 W. 63rd, 212/875-4100 – $76+. Swimming pool, air-conditioning, hall bath, no WiFi. (I stayed here and found the rooms depressingly small and plain, but they are some of the cheapest private rooms around, it’s safe and clean, and it has a great location next to Central Park and Lincoln Center.) Da Vinci Hotel, 244 W. 56th (a few blocks from “Colbert Report” studios), 212/489-4100 – $120+. Private bath, air-conditioning. Pod Hotel, 230 E. 51st (between 2nd and 3rd), 800/742-5945 – $129+. High-tech: Free WiFi, cable LCD-TV, iPod docking station. Shared bath with rainhead showers. Smoke-free. Murray Hill Murray Hill Inn, 143 E. 30th, 212/545-0879 – $129+. Private bath, cable TV, WiFi, air conditioning. Chelsea Leo House (no website), 332 W. 23rd, 212/929-1010 – $70 shared bath, $80 private bath. Cable TV, air-conditioning. Chelsea Center Hostel, 313 W. 29th, 212/643-0214 – $35 for shared room (sleeps 6-12). Small and quiet. Chelsea International Hostel, 251 W. 20th, 212/647-0010 – $30-$34 for dorms, $70 for private rooms. Shared baths. Colonial House Inn, 318 W. 22nd, 800/689-3779 – $85+. Shared bath; gay-owned. Continental breakfast. Chelsea Lodge, 318 W. 20th, 800/373-1116 – $119+. Shared bath. Cable TV, WiFi, air conditioning. Union Square/Gramercy Park Penington Friends House, 215 E. 15th, 212/673-1730 – $80 single. Cable TV/VCR in common area; sundeck. (Very small – only two guestrooms.) Seafarers & Intl House, 123 E. 15th, 212/677-4800 – $80 single with shared bath, $129 double with private bath. Cable TV, air conditioning, smoke-free. Greenwich Village Larchmont Hotel, 27 W. 11th (btwn 5th & 6th), 212/989-9333 – $89+ single with shared bath. Air-conditioning, continental breakfast. East Village East Village Bed & Coffee, 110 Avenue C, 917/816-0071 – $99+. Pension-style with shared bathrooms; pet dog on premises. Rent a room from a New Yorker  City Sonnet (agency) – $105-$140/night as of May 2007. At Home in New York (agency) – $75-100 (single)/night “Stay with Jon” (individual; Lower East Side) – $700/week

Questions for Stephen

Going to a Colbert Report taping and want to ask Stephen an original question? Here are some I believe have not been asked yet.

Note: These questions are purely my own invention and the contributions of other Colbertophiles. They’re not connected, approved, or in any way associated with Colbert University. (But feel free to check out Colbert U’s Audience-Questions Archive to find out what questions other Heroes have asked.)

If you have other questions to suggest, please leave them in a comment!

By Eris of the Colboards, excellent questions about I Am America:

• The book is obviously written in character; did you find it a strain being in that boxed-in mindset not only for the long hours you work on your show, but also on your days off from the show to write the book?
• Your friend Amy Sedaris just wrote a bestselling cookbook. Do you feel a little friendly competition?
• Are you afraid that like Machiavelli, you and your book may be taken seriously by people, at face value?

By dustdevil at Television Without Pity:

• Ask about guests: what guest he thought did the best job in terms of being a foil for “Stephen,” or what guest did the best job of explaining his/her point in spite of “Stephen.”
• Ask something about the crew/staff. Which cameraman is the best, which writer he likes best, what’s his favorite tie that they’ve picked out, which graphic bit (monkey on the lam, war on easter) he can’t get enough of. It’s a way to acknowledge the other folks on his staff. I’d imagine he’d take that opportunity to talk about how great they are, and in a very funny way. 

By Jennie of NoFactZone.net:

• What happened to the Bill O’Reilly portrait? Was it returned to Harvard? Did Bill take it? Did you and Bill give it to the New York Times?

By me:

Questions about guests on the show:

• Which guest have you been most surprised that they agreed to come on the show? (forgive my awful grammar)
• Have you ever read any of the books whose authors you’ve had on the show?
• Have you ever contacted Melinda Gates (of the Stephen & Melinda Gates Foundation) to come on the show?
• Why aren’t you giving WristStrong bracelets to your guests?

Questions about other aspects of the show:

• How do you and your staff pick the word that’s going to be featured in the opening sequence, like freem or eneagled or flagaphile?
• Will you ever release a DVD of outtakes, pre-taping and intermission banter with the audience, etc.?
• How did you decide/choose Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick to write the Report’s theme song?
• Do you think the “Dancing Muchachos” might ever make an appearance on the Report? [note: might prompt a little dancing]
• Did you do the choreography for “He’s Singin’ in Korean”? [might prompt him to do a little of it!]
• I saw Mark Malkoff on [the Today Show, Fox & Friends, whatever]. Do you think he’s getting too famous to be your Audience Coordinator?
• Do you think you might revive Scorn sometime?
• What do you do with all your ties after you wear them once?
• (Everyone wonders why the Colbert Nation flag is no longer in the waiting room, but no one seems to want to ask.)

Other work:

• Can you talk about your contribution to Ben Karlin’s book Things I’ve Learned from Women Who Dumped Me?
• In 2002 you did a Daily Show piece called “C Is for Chubby,” which attacked the Cookie Monster for making kids fat, and featured two adorable little boys. Were those your children? (Clip here: www.colbertondemand.com:80/videos/The_Daily_Show/C_is_for_Chubby)

Personal:

• What can you tell us about your singing background? Some light opera in college?
• Could we hear the South Carolina accent you don’t have anymore? It’s very thick — how did you go about losing it?
• What do your kids think of having ice cream in the freezer with their dad’s face on it? [He touched on this with Terry Gross on 10/9/07, but it might be fun to ask again!]
• What do your kids want to be when they grow up?
• Dogs or cats? Pick a side!

From NoFactZone reader C:

• As Amy Sedaris has been traveling around promoting her book she’s been trashing your shrimp paste recipe. Would you care to respond?
• Sometimes I get the impression that you’re flipping the bird with your right hand. Is this merely a by-product of holding a pen, or are you deliberately or subconsciously expressing derision, bird-style? [I suppose that might better be called eagle-style.]
• Are there any items on the set’s bookshelves that are there more for you than for the character?
• French cuffs vs. button cuffs — why hasn’t your character picked a side? Obvious follow-up question: Why is your character wearing anything French, anyway? [Maybe he thinks of them as freedom cuffs.]
• Are there any foods that aren’t improved by being dipped in marshmallow fluff?
• Who do you think would win a cursing contest, Amy Sedaris or Martha Stewart?
• In your mind, to whom does that D.F.A. belong: you or your character?
• Do you have a favorite Lord of the Rings character? To which LOTR character would your character be most drawn?
• How did you get involved in the “Wig in a Box” project?
• Would you rather: 1) think with your gut, or 2) feel with your brain?
• Excluding Killer, who scares you the most?
• Are baby carrots as much of a threat to women as they are to men? If not, are there any specific foods of which heterosexual women need to beware?
• If Terry Gross were to be a guest on your show, what would you like to ask her? Alternate (inappropriate?) phrasing: If Terry Gross were to be a guest on your show, how would you nail her?
• Who would win in a Greco-Roman wrestling match, Gollum vs. Tony Snow? Hillary Clinton vs. Nancy Pelosi? Bill Kristol vs. Jon Stewart?

If you have questions to suggest, leave them in a comment …

June 4, 2007: “You are the luckiest members of the Colbert Nation tonight!”

“You are the luckiest members of the Colbert Nation tonight!” said Mark the Stage Manager, warming us up for Stephen’s entrance this Monday after a weeklong break and one exciting weekend in the Colbertophilosphere, with Stephen speaking (and answering my question from the audience, YES!) at Book Expo America in NYC.This was an interesting show in that so many things were different: two guests, no Word, the interview in the middle of the show instead of the end (although I see from the Episode Guide at NoFactZone that apparently in the editing room, the interview was reordered to its standard place), a faux-BKAD.

On the set there was an aura of sort of serious concentration to get all this right, which meant less lighthearted bits for us – not a lot of karaoke Stephen during the breaks, only two audience questions, no exuberant run/high-fiving at the beginning, no desk-touching during warmup comic Pete’s time. It was more the atmosphere of “Professionals at Work Here.” There was a lot of serious conferring at the desk between acts, and not a lot of joking around once taping began. Even with the efficiency, taping took till 7:40 p.m. – I think that’s later than usual, though I could be wrong. __________________

Arrived at 2:25pm and ended up getting ticket #7; ticket #1 gal got here at 1:55pm. Regaled the early arrivers with BEA stories. Very chatty and friendly group of audience members this time. I was between a mother-and-son from Florida who had flown in especially for the taping (a graduation present, I believe), and an engaged couple from Denver, in town for a college reunion. My friends A., M., and J. joined me a bit later. M. and J. were “Colbert taping virgins” – first taping ever! A. and I were on our second.

We got seats in the front row, although I’m not sure I’d do that again. I want to be called on in the Q&A and I want to *see* the show, not have to peer around cameras. So I may actually aim for the third or fourth row in the future. In my experience twice now, Stephen doesn’t seem to look at the first row when choosing questioners. Maybe he thinks we’re blessed enough to be so close to Him.

While everyone got seated, I looked for the item on the shelves that Stephen had told an audience member was his favorite thing on the set [now that was a great question] – a small triangular white flag from the “August 28, 1963 / Freedom March on Washington,” at which Dr. Martin Luther King gave his “I Have a Dream” speech. It belongs to Stephen’s mom, who attended the march when she was pregnant with him. It’s on the far left, near the microwave, looking a little out of place amid all the wacky shit, but still very cool.

J, who works in film, pointed out the pieces of tape on the floor of the stage; the one in front of us has “Bobby” written on it, and it’s in the spot where Bobby stands when he talks with Stephen-at-the-desk. There were a bunch of other taped pieces at other places on the floor, but I couldn’t see what they said.

Pete Dominick, the warmup comic, was great tonight. At the taping I attended in November, he seemed to be filling time a bit, seeking out audience member after audience member to razz. Tonight he had lots to say – an extended riff on his bald head and the sunburn he’d gotten on it this weekend; a paean to TCR, the smartest show on television, and Stephen, the most brilliant comedian; and telling us this would be a very special show because they’d be shaking things up tonight — Stephen was always doing something to top himself, and we were going to see something new, and it would happen in the third act. Oh boy!

He also explained that we’d be seeing “what’s called the toss,” and without hesitation the audience burst into applause (that made me really happy: it-getters!). Pete said something like “Oh, you know what that is, great!”

They were still figuring out the order things would go in, while Pete was doing his routine. I think Pete initially told us the toss would come first, and then Stephen might not do any questions and go right into the show, or he might do some questions – basically, telling us to be prepared for anything. Later, Pete introduced Mark the Stage Manager and Mark said now they were thinking they might mix up the order, do the first act and then the toss. “Basically, we’re playing this one by ear.”

It’s cool that even though they were obviously juggling a lot behind the scenes, the taping itself went off seamlessly, with no major screwups and only a single slip of the tongue by Stephen requiring a retake. Again: admiration. These folks are such pros.

Pete told us that our cue to start cheering is when the eagle swoops in – “Can I see some talons?” We all made talon gestures, which is a pretty hilarious thing to do in itself. All throughout, everyone encouraged us to cheer extra loud – “Make Stephen make you tone it down,” Pete said.

Back to Pete’s routine, he said one item on the shelf epitomizes why he’s so proud to be working on the Report, could any of us guess? I raised my hand perhaps too fast (maybe he wanted to hear some wrong answers first, to play with, but I didn’t see any other hands). “The O’Reilly microwave?” Yes! I thought I might get to touch the desk, but he didn’t offer. I wonder if I looked too mature to want to touch the desk? I’m not!! (Actually, I’m sure it was the time constraints again — they didn’t want to take time to Windex the desk or whatever after someone smeared their prints on it.)

Getting closer to Stephen time. In some ways this is my favorite part of the taping. The wonderful anticipation and gladness to be there, truly “the luckiest members of the Colbert Nation tonight.” Pete asked, “Is there anyone here who has never seen the show?” One guy raised his hand, Pete asked why, and he said “I don’t watch much television.” Pete said, probably with a “kidding!” smile to the guy cause no one’s really mean inside the walls of the Report, “Don’t you just hate that? People like this make you feel like you should be reading more books or something.”

Time for Stephen. When he entered, he strode straight to the desk and we stood and cheered for a long time. We sounded *great* — exuberant and loud but not insane. He smiled and eventually motioned for us to sit down. He addressed us from the desk, very professionally, and explained that we’d be seeing the toss. Right away Jon came on the screen and they launched into what seemed to me to be the real thing, it was so fantastic. This is my *rough* approximation:

Jon: So, Stephen, you killed at the Book Fair, Conference, thing (he never got its name right) this weekend.
Stephen: Yes, Jon, those people love me. They call me effete, bookish – I know it’s code.
Jon says something about Stephen being Gatsbyesque, while Stephen sort of lifts up his tie and preens it, then takes off his glasses and pretends to clean them (maybe with his tie?), in an exaggeratedly effeminate manner.
Jon: You rocked, Stephen, you kicked Hosseini’s butt and wiped the floor with Burns [some sort of absurd talking about his fellow panelists as if it was a prize fight, which of course it wasn’t] . . .

I was ecstatic because I thought this was a sort of rehearsal for the real toss. But when it actually began, they did something totally different. Which quite frankly I can’t even remember right now because I loved the other one so much. (And in a conspiracy to keep me in the dark, Comedy Central has not put this toss up on the site.)

After they did the toss, Stephen said to the staff something like “I’m sorry, but I need the [can’t remember term] – I smeared my glasses when I did that [thing with his tie].”

One of his assistants came out and tried to clean his glasses. “Thanks, Antonia. This is Antonia, everyone. [she smiles at us, we clap] She makes me look good. She gets me suits that make me look like I have a physique.” She couldn’t seem to fix it though. (Several audience members shouted out, “Want some eyeglass cleaner?”) He said something like “Shit! Did I break them?” which made us all laugh.

Eventually he put them back on and seemed OK with them, then invited us to ask questions “to humanize me bla bla bla.” He took the questions while still seated at the desk, so no high-fiving/exuberant run for us – this show’s rhythm was completely different and unpredictable.

I sensed that Q&A would be kind of peremptory, like they had a lot to do that night but it was also a priority to squeeze in a short bit of this. Sure enough, he took just one question from each side of the room. My friend J and I shot our hands up, but no luck – he wasn’t even looking at us but called on some guy several rows up. Oh well!

First Act

I’d thought the featured word in the opening segment would change since it’s the first show after a break, but it was still “flagaphile.”

I’d never seen an “at the desk” interview before, so this was cool. As you probably know, it’s usually a surprise – the guest just seems to pop up there. As Stephen was introducing the segment with Rep. Jan(e), we saw her waiting just offstage next to a TCR staffer holding a chair, ready to move it and her into position on the stage at the right moment.

That was a nice public service of the show to help raise awareness of this issue. But the funniest part for me was Stephen’s clinging to his character’s mispronunciation of the Rep’s name, throughout the whole show. I love that, presented with someone named “Jan Schakowsky,” Stephen messes up on the three-letter part. Kinda like the TDS segment where he enunciates all sorts of long Middle Eastern names and then mangles “urn.” (Ah, those were the days.)

Oh, and of course, eating the pork rinds & marshmallow fluff. I knew he would!

Second Act

Interview – From the left side of the left half of the seats, where we were, the interview with Bard College president Leon Botstein seemed to be taking place in a galaxy far, far away, and my view was two-thirds blocked by a big camera. I’ll have to re-watch it on the Comedy Central website to appreciate it. I recall that bit about Botstein’s appearance at the beginning. Oh yes, the audience went wild at the idea that high school should be eliminated since it’s a total waste of time. And a funny end where Stephen converted his speechlessness into a handshake.

After they went to a commercial, Stephen said to us, “Leon Botstein, everybody!” and had us applaud him as he left the stage.

[EDIT: I just watched the clip on Comedy Central, and the show must have run long because they totally edited that interview down! The high school part is gone -- too bad! And when Stephen brought up Scooter Libby, Botstein had actually responded for a good bit, they had an exchange, and Botstein ended up making a point that Stephen had no response for. After an overlong pause, Stephen then stuck out his hand and said his "Thank you for coming on the show!" and we all laughed.]

Entr’Acte

Stephen strode offstage between the second and third acts. “That’s not a good sign, is it?” A. said. “Stephen leaving?!” But in fact they must have been reviewing the tape from Jan(e)’s interview in Act 1, and editing it together with Stephen’s pre-taped absurd questions, to create the faux-BKAD that they showed us in Act 3, only a few minutes later. Wow! Amazing.

When Stephen came back in a few minutes, he seemed more relaxed and we saw a bit of goofball Stephen. “Holland 1945” was playing and he sang along. He also pointed at some group above me and they squealed and he acted surprised at their reaction. Cute (though, OK, I wish he’d pointed at me!). He didn’t seem to see me at all, seemed to look past the first few rows. Ah well. I had my moment, I cannot possibly complain).

Third Act

He had only one tongue malfunction, at the beginning of the third act (maybe it was a very recent rewrite?). They had us applaud again and took it from the beginning. When they showed the photo of 21-year-old bearded Stephen in a Northwestern U production of Pelleas and Mellisande, I instantly thought “Not everyone’s going to know who that is,” so I laughed and clapped extra hard. But it actually got a bigger reaction from the audience than I expected.

When he said “Better Know a District,” I thought the “new thing” was that she’d come out again and they’d do a live BKAD at the desk, but the faux-BKAD and his calling her “Jane” pronouncedly was hilarious. “CongressmanLady” LOL.

Closer

We applauded forever while Stephen toyed with us from behind his mask, and they showed a number of shots of the audience on the monitor. I kinda need to see the aired show to see how they put that together. From NFZ’s Episode Guide, it sounds like maybe they just aired the mask part and not shots of us? Oh well!

At the end he thanked us graciously for being a great audience, “and I hope you come again,” then left the stage.

I thought, I just cannot imagine a better entertainment than this show. If it were allowed and I lived here, I’d be here every single night. Except I might collapse. They pack so much substance into that half hour. And so much intensity. I can’t imagine being part of it day after day. It’d be like living on adrenaline and never coming down.
___________________

We had dinner at a wonderful nearby restaurant called Bluechili. While I finished my dinner after everyone else was done, J read to us from the blad (20-page preview of Stephen’s book that was given out at BEA), which he was laughing at even while he was reading it. To me, it was even funnier read aloud, which caused me to decide the best way to appreciate this book when it comes out will be to listen to the audiobook, which will be read by Stephen, while reading along in the print book, so you can see all the tables and charts and footnotes and other funny stuff.

We went to find the nearest ice cream locale I could recall, Ben & Jerry’s Rockefeller Plaza, in search of AmeriCone Dream (J hadn’t had it), but they close at 7 p.m. Oh well! That’s it, it’s 3:30 a.m. in NYC, I’m exhausted, good night!

November 13, 2006: First taping, with excruciating detail and studio photos (guest: Dan Rather)

Advisory: Sorry, this report contains no personal Stephen interactions. No questions, no dancing . . . I was just a newbie then! It was . . . six weeks ago! (Gulp!)

So to refresh your memory about the show:

The Word: Back Off, Old Man

Tip/Wag: Quitters Edition, with a full-body wag (for Rumsfeld not resigning before the elections)

Guest: Dan Rather

PROLOGUE

I had a trip scheduled to Washington, D.C., in November since this summer. In September I discovered the Report and was instantly hooked; in October I discovered these boards and realized that I really wanted to go to a taping. Around that time, the generous C. (a grad student from NJ) posted here that she had an extra ticket for Nov. 13!

Nov. 12 finally came and I flew to NY and checked into the budget-minded West Side YMCA, about a 15-minute walk from the studio. Of course I walked to the studio that night to see the outside, and it made me laugh just to see it (giddy anticipation?). It’s in a nondescript modern red-brick building on a nondescript street, with no windows on the first few floors:

A dark blue awning out front says “The Colbert Report” in very stern-looking capital letters. Just like a real serious show!

Right next to the studio is a more lovely turn-of-the-century red-brick building, with three stories of Palladian arched windows and a concrete stairway going up to the front door (glass, so you can see in), and a blue awning of its own with a big C on it. That’s where the staff’s offices are (including Stephen’s), and during the workday, sometimes people fortunate enough to work there will be hanging out on those stairs. The offices look nice inside—exposed brick walls with framed artwork on them.

[I didn't know at the time that the "Charlene" music video was filmed on the studio's roof, but now that I do, it all looks familiar!]

STANDING IN LINE

“The” day came and I showed up around 2:30 p.m. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had a totally covered area for ticketholders to stand in to protect us from the elements.

The weather was actually fine—I was prepared for anything, but it was neither super-cold nor raining.

I do think someone could make money selling merchandise and/or food next to the line—100 people four days a week, a captive audience of hungry TCR enthusiasts. Many people were there in pairs, and often one member of the pair would peel off to bring back some food from a nearby eatery (tip: lots of inexpensive eats on Ninth Avenue).

I’m sure that if there were Colbert merchandise available there, a lot of people would shell out [perhaps there will be soon?]. Right now you don’t get anything to take home as a souvenir of this experience, not even a ticket stub.

C. met me in line around 2:45 p.m. We were #5 and #6 in line. She turned out to be from the Philippines, and cannot even vote in this country! But she is a big fan of both TDS and TCR. We were both thrilled (and nervous!) to be about to have this experience.
ENTRY…

At 6pm they finally opened the door to the holding room (and we got nervous again!), and the assistant audience coordinator (I am going to call her Erica, which might or might not be her name), took our tickets and gave us each a blue laminated card with a number on it as we filed in (since the audience is admitted to the set in the same order that you are in line).

[not my actual ticket, cause I was #6!]

We had to show ID and pass through metal detectors and then wait in the very small holding room that barely fit us all, for another 40 minutes. There were about three dozen chairs and the rest had to stand. Although standing in line to see TCR is a joyful experience, C. and I were still happy to get a chair after four hours of it.

The holding room was pretty spare except for an early poster for the Report on the wall–the one with a blue background and “It’s what Lincoln would have watched.” There was also a “You may be taped or recorded” sign with a lot of writing on it that basically said “Once you pass through this door, we own your image in perpetuity throughout the world forever.” On the inside of the ladies’ bathroom door there was an “America 101” sign–left over from a segment? I had a drink from the Colbert Report water cooler.

THE SET…!

Finally, around 6:40, the magical door marked “Closed Set—No Entry without Authorization” swung open, and Erica admitted us to the set. The VIPs were admitted first (in our case, they seemed to be not necessarily VIPs but some sort of class—I guess the separate admission makes sure they can all sit together but don’t hog all the primo front-row spots–which I appreciated!).

We went in right after the VIPs and so got to sit in the front row of the section in front of Stephen’s desk. We were thrilled!!

The whole scene was basically like a very small fringe theater that holds 109 people—much smaller, as everyone says (and lower-budget, I suspect) than it appears on screen. Nice padded chairs on 4-5 rows of risers.

photo from WonkyEar

We could see everything on the shelves in crisp detail and I had to fight the urge to take a picture of it (strictly not allowed).

I did not take this picture

A Mrs. Colbert sash from the 10/30 show was still wrapped around one of the cameras . . . I guess it will be there forever! 
 

AUDIENCE PREP…

Erica was super nice, making us feel welcome and needed. Beforehand in the holding room, she told us, “Stephen feeds off your energy, and you’re a part of the show, so show him the love—that’s how we get the Emmy nominations so we can lose to Barry Manilow.” She showed us how to clap up high so it’s extra loud.

Once we were seated, someone — I think the audience coordinator, Mark Malkoff (a 30-year-old Stephen look-alike who is also a comedian in his off-hours) — introduced the various staff members, including the director, Jim Hoskinson (“he almost won an Emmy”), and the stage manager, Mark McKenna, who’s in his 40s perhaps.

Stage manager Mark explained to us how the show would proceed and referred to its different “acts” (like a play)—basically the time between each commercial break. He told us he would wave a paper in the air three seconds before each act was to begin, and that was our cue to start clapping and cheering wildly “so the audience at home thinks something really funny was happening here during the break.”

Sometime after 7, Pete Dominic, the warm-up comic, came out and did a great job for 10–15 minutes (although he let the two jocks next to me touch the desk just because they started a “USA! USA!” cheer when he came out, and I doubt that meant as much to them as it has to many fangirls).

I didn’t take this photo either

STEPHEN!

Right after Pete wrapped it up (I think he gets a signal when Stephen is ready, so the audience isn’t kept waiting), Stephen came running out and high-fived the front rows twice, as he always does. Then he faked being winded and told us that his eight-year-old son had asked him, “Daddy, are you old?” and he’d said, “No, I’m young and vital!” so now his son always says that to him.

Then he did a quick Q&A with us. Erica had said, “He likes to get new questions, and we’ve done 180 shows, so be creative and come up with something he hasn’t heard before.” That part went by too fast; he was standing right in front of me when he was taking questions from our side of the audience, and I was mesmerized by his eyelashes.

He took only two or three questions, and unfortunately, I don’t think our audience was too inspired—the questions were “Can I get a picture with you?” (no, Stephen said kindly, because then everyone would want one; also, the guy only had a cameraphone, so the quality would suck!), “Can you do your ear trick?” (which he did—where he curls his ear under and then pops it out), and perhaps there was a third one but I can’t recall.

He ended up between the two sections of the audience and said, “We’re about to begin, so show me some of that love you were practicing.” While we clapped, he hugged a lucky woman who was sitting on the aisle (second row, left section!). Then he headed for his desk and on the way jumped in the air and clicked his heels together.

THE SHOW!When Stephen launched into the show, he got tongue-tied on the third news teaser (which was about Dan Rather and Bob Schieffer) …and put his hands over his face—“Oh no!” We laughed and applauded wildly. He said of our applause, “Save it for the real show—no, give it to me now.” Then he ran through all three teasers again (not just the one he’d flubbed) and I laughed just as much as the first time even though I’d already heard them. There’s something about his delivery that just prompts laughter without even having to think about it.

Then the opening metaphor: “I’m gonna drop the Truth on you like Denise Richards’s laptop on an old lady’s head. This is The Colbert Report!” (thanks, NoFactZone.net!)

I was thrilled with the show we got (I still think of it, completely unreasonably, as “our show”). Dan Rather was the guest, and there was also a “Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger,” which included a full-body wag!

I think it was at that point that I leaned over to C. and whispered, “Great show? Or greatest show ever?” (Of course, I was just kidding: “greatest show ever” has to be reserved for shows like Barry Manilow and the Shred-Off.)

In the interview, Dan Rather pretended to be a fawning sycophant, complimenting Stephen on his “impressive” career in news, etc., and talking about “guys like us.” It was hilarious. When the interview was over, it took a while for the aging Dan to walk off the set, and the audience kept clapping for him until he had completely exited, as befits a legend with a 40-year career in news. That was nice.

Here’s another image from “our show”:

Killer is supposed to “torture” Stephen by simulating waterboarding (as a Fox News reporter had earlier done), but Stephen caves as soon as he hears the bottle open …

It’s just amazing when all of this is unfolding for you!

COMMERCIAL BREAKS

Stephen was often doing something funny during the breaks. When he wasn’t conferring animatedly with the staff or swigging bottled water, he would make funny faces at various audience members—C. and I both got a “Colbert look.”

During one break, he stood up behind the desk and lip-synched to a whole song that was playing during the break (it might have been Cheap Trick’s “I Want You to Want Me,” which was played at another taping, but I don’t think so – but something like that)—complete with seductive pouting, dramatic pointing, and spinning around in a circle, while we started clapping to the music to egg him on. (A DVD of collected “Colbert Report breaks” would be at least as hilarious as the show!) By the end, some of the gel had worked its way out of his hair, and he looked very boyish and adorable—not at all like his harsh right-wing persona. More like his TDS field-report persona.

Right after he finished, the two makeup/hair people moved right in, fixing his tie, patting his face, straightening his tie, making sure every hair was in perfect place before the cameras rolled again. While they were adjusting him, he was keeping time with the music, bouncing his hands over their heads, so we would keep clapping.

OUR UNRULY AUDIENCE

I realized that Mark the audience coordinator has a hard job sometimes. During one of the breaks, I was startled when he suddenly appeared in front of our section and said very sternly to someone in one of the rows behind us, “You’re giving that to me right now.” Someone had just tried to take a surreptitious photo of the set during the break, even though they’d told us beforehand that it was strictly prohibited. Mark had to confiscate the camera for the rest of the show, and I’m sure he deleted the picture.

He also had to tell the two male Philly Eagles fans who were sitting right next to me not to yell things out, as they had at the beginning of the show. They had started a “USA! USA!” chant, which was fine—Stephen picked it up, then ad-libbed, “I only wish there was something we could go burn down.” (Which in turn showed up on the “Notable Moments” of the episode, as recorded by NoFactZone. Talk about interactive!)

But right after the chant they also yelled, “We love you Stephen!” (You can hear the “Stephen” on the tape of the show.) They meant well, but I realized that it’s a fine line between what’s OK and what’s not. When I hear the crowd yelling words at home, it distracts me from Stephen because I’m thinking, “What did they say?” I think the staff was also concerned that it could encourage other people to yell things, so it could get out of hand.

Mark was as nice as can be, while still being firm, and he came up to them after the show too and said he hoped they would come back and he didn’t want them to be upset, but the director said it just wasn’t OK to yell things, or something like that. I thought he handled it really well, but geez I’m sorry our audience really gave them some problems. At least we do seem to be cheering loudly on the tape of the show.

Next: Finale (oh noooooooo it’s almost over!!!)

[EDITED to add:

**According to Mark’s MySpace page, “Friday Night Intervention” is his “live talk show set in a theater,” and it features “a combination of my videos and celebrity sit-down interviews. Some past guests include ‘Perfect Strangers’ star Mark Linn-Baker, Conan O’Brien announcer Joel Goddard, and MTV’s ‘Remote Control’ host Ken Ober.” Could be fun to check out sometime!

p.s. He’s married.
________________________________

FINALE: A GLIMPSE OF THE OFFICESIt was pouring rain when we exited around 8:15, and my “New Jersey friend” C. needed to catch a bus back home at a reasonable hour so her aunt wouldn’t worry, so I took her to dinner at a nice Indian restaurant a block from the studio, then walked her to the Port Authority bus terminal.

On my way home I of course had to walk by the TCR studios one more time. (It was only one block out of my way. Well, maybe two.) The rain had finally stopped and everyone was gone except the security guard at the front desk (it was after 10 p.m.), but the lights on the first floor had been left on, so I peered in through the glass door to see what I could see.

The front area (by the window by the door) seemed like sort of miscellaneous prop area, with lots of things in baskets on shelves and two skulls sitting on top of a bookshelf. On the wall in the middle area was the famous “CALLED OUT” whiteboard! … which still has those words on it in big letters just like in this picture:

… from the segment this summer where Stephen calls Jon out for refusing to apologize to Geraldo Rivera, then pins a mustache on him (then rips it off, then pins it back on).

Underneath “CALLED OUT” it now says, “Interns—Where are you?” and lists their five lucky interns, including “Colin” (I think) and “Julia.” Behind the front desk there was another poster for the show, I think sort of a SciFi/Godzilla theme with Colbert as a sort of god/monster/king of Truthiness.

Ohhh sigh, that is the end of my story, Nation! All in all, it was a total blast and I would love to do it again. There was a lot to take in (I’d never been to a taping of anything before, except NPR’s radio show Weekend Edition Saturday), and I’m sure I would observe new things the next time around.

My concluding impression is amazement that a 30-minute show taped on an inexpensive set in a tiny little studio in a nondescript building on a nondescript street … goes out and blankets the world and has such a huge impact on all of us fans, not to mention the political scene and the (other) media. I guess it’s just MAGIC !!!!